yesterday morning i had a biopsy, since my right breast seems to have a consistent discharge for no reason. i've had a fibroid removed from my other breast many years ago, so i figure this should be no big deal.

they prepped the machine, different syringes, did a sonogram to find the area that needed to be sampled. as they swabbed my breast, they saw the chinese characters. the dr was like "does that mean something?" "yes." "what?" "it's personal." ass. i'm not here to fucking explain my tattoo stories and am nervous about my breast being invaded! the assistant says, "looks like you enjoy pain, so this should be no problem." they ALWAYS say that. it's so fucking old. i tell her that's not true, and that i'm not looking forward to this procedure. finally the dr used a small syringe to inject novicane into my breast, surprisingly it didn't hurt as much as i thought it would. after that settled a bit he used a large syringe to go deep into my breast tissue, especially under the nipple, where he was gonna take the sample. he then made a small incision with his scalpel. after the larger dose of novicane set in, he took out the momma syringe/aspirator that was attached to the machine and went to town. fer real. he had to push the longass needle through my glands and tissue, and had to apply lots of pressure and his body weight to reach the area cuz my tissue is dense. i'm watching along with them on the monitor as they search. lots of pressure and pushing and me emitting mumbles of extreme discomfort. "why is it so hard to get through my tissue?" i asked. the dr answered, "because you're young, and normal young breast tissue is like that." finally the tip is where it needs to be. machine turns on, and i feel action going on inside my breast, like a drill whirring in circles inside, and at the same time i feel tissue moving and being sucked out like a vacuum (sounds like one too). ugh, not a comforting feeling. after a while, it's finally over and he pulls out the large needle slowly, then follow with another large needle that contained a metal chip that was to be inserted into the place affected. i felt the chip being inserted. so now, besides the metal screw in my knee after my knee's acl transplant years ago, i have metal in the den of my breast. after withdrawing that needle, they immediately apply pressure to the opening and keep it there for a while. i then learn that i had spurted blood all over the keyboard when they removed the needle. i don't know why, but i was tickled pink when i saw my red blood in a spray, just like on a forensic show, on their monitor keyboard. i started laughing. "wow, i did that?" i guess cuz whenever i get cut normally, pierced or tattooed, i'm not much of a bleeder. they were like "ok...".

i got off the table and saw the jar of my tissue. i examined it with morbid curiosity as the tissue was floating around, with red and yellow colors swirling, it was so colorful and so squiggly! "wow, that's amazing!" i said.

they had me do a mammogram in a separate room to record the new metal chip in my boob, and the woman starts to tell me that tattoos are hard to remove and that they'll be with you forever, and tells me her son is just like me. yes, the ones who always tell me this think they've got me figured out. she says her son is disovering that he's getting judged because of his tattoos, as if to suggest that i'm bringing unwanted attention to myself or have not thoroughly thought out my ink. fucking hell. "i get judged anyways" i say. what i really want to say is "just fucking take the picture of my breast that is in your hand right now bitch!" she was pretty know it all. the straight and narrow non-modified always think they do.

i just came back from the juicing place next door, with some delicious veggie eggplant curry with couscous. the guy who owns it lives in the same building i do, and over the years we've become friends. he's muslim. 2 stores down is a photo lab owned by this guy who i think may be arab, either way he's a photojournalist who's always going back to the middle east.


while i was waiting for my food to be ready, they both showed me this picture of a UN car after it had just been demolished by an israeli tank. this was just taken in israel last week, the photojournalist just came back. the only way you could tell it was UN property is because of the big U & N on the side with logo, otherwise, the whole thing was smashed. not even the fucking UN has control over this war. not like this is news. but then again, pictures like these aren't circulated by the media. apparently there's a bigwig conference going on at the UN right now. the photojournalist made copies of his photo and posted it all over their area.< br >

i wonder if it will garner a reaction from the UN.